Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Horrors of College - Part I

Just something I whipped up - I actually started this one a long time 2012.  Got around to digging through my old files and finished it - FINALLY...

I plan to make a series of these...

Friday, September 25, 2015

Toy Vacuum Sends Wrong Message to Middle Aged Man Shopping at WalGreens

They look like fun and non-menacing toys poised like vacuums. But are they in fact, sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard from Reno Nevada when he shops at Walgreens? We sent our crack-head team of reportive investigators as well as our Prozac-ridden team of instigative reporters to investigate and report on these so-called "toys".

Lame-Stream Media
When 45 year old Richard from Reno NV first saw the inconspicuous toy sitting on a shelf he thought nothing of it. But after he stared at it for a few minutes, he realized that the toy vacuum box was telling him that children should be vacuuming his house.

Our crack-head team of investigating journalists investigated and journalized all about this bitch. They talked to the middle-aged Richard for 15 seconds, then smoked some more crack. This is what Richard allegedly had to say.
I saw some children on the box, and realized that the toy vacuum box was telling me that children are superior at vacuuming than adults. Now, every time I vacuum, - I feel inferior or that I am doing it wrong. I just want to give up on vacuuming altogether.

Lame-Stream Media
Our crack-head team of investigators then investigated feminist opinions all about this bitch. The seriously evil toy vacuum box is clearly one of the many ills in our society that just sends wrong messages to people like Richard.

feminist I think the person who made this toy vacuum box should be drawn and quartered. In addition to sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard, it also sends the message that boys are better at operating equipment like vacuum cleaners - and that is damaging to women - that is why I do not have a billion dollars - it is all because of this damned toy vacuum box.

feminist I think the people that made this toy vacuum box should be stuffed into a cannon and then shot at a brick wall - that'll show 'em!!!

feminist I think the makers of this toy vacuum box should be placed into the Iron Maiden. Then they will stop sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard - who is clearly a victim of the toy vacuum cleaner.

As the middle-aged Richard was leaving the Walgreens, the cashier made the grim mistake of saying "totally" way to much.

Richard then looked at the young female cashier and said, "TOTALLY? You know that I am like TOTALLY going to give you a hard time about that now..."

The young female cashier giggled (in order to cover up her sheer terror and fear of the misogynistic and creepy middle-aged Richard) and said, "OH, I am like so TOTALLY a valley girl".

The creepy Richard then responded back, "I am like TOTALLY going to pay cash for this purchase, and like TOTALLY get a pack of gum too."

Lame-Stream Media
Richard went on to excessively use the word "totally" way too much while speaking to the beautiful and sexy young female cashier whom he TOTALLY wanted to FACE-SLAP with his GIGANTIC PENIS.

Yes, he was clearly flirting with her - and this team of anti-depressant-smelling reporters has no choice but to blame the toy vacuum box for his pedophilic tendencies for flirting with a 20-something young woman. AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM BEING JEALOUS - GOT IT!!! If the toy vacuum box did not exist - Richard would probably be TOTALLY gay - which is like TOTALLY OK.
Totally Bangable
Luckily, the young woman was TOTALLY not raped or beaten by Richard, but she was TOTALLY psychologically traumatized after TOTALLY speaking with the TOTALLY middle-aged Richard - all TOTALLY because of that damned toy vacuum box.

Damn You All to Hell

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Men with their Arms around their Female Partners is Sexist Claims Ugly Smelly Disgusting Angry Old Carpet Munching Hag

So, Helen Mirren claims that a photo with a man having his LOVING arms around his female partner is sexist.
Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

Yup, the veteran venereal-diseased skank is claiming that a man with his arms around a woman is actually - EEEEEK - sexist because it "implies" ownership!


I guess that in order to avoid being a sexist pig, you can no longer put your arms around a woman anymore.


Anyway, the article I link to is quite revealing, the matured muff diver Helen Mirren claims that if she were to give her younger self advice, she would tell people to "f**k off" more.

Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

I guess this means that she banged a lot of losers when she was young and hot - er - uhm - I mean young and f**king ugly.
Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

Anyway, Helen Mirren the tired old tit-sucker is clearly one of those women who was "young and stupid" at one point.

Now that she is 70, it appears that the not young nincompoop is old and stupid...

Helen Mirren is a Senior Master of Stupid, and a closet Geriatric G.I.Jane Chaser.

I would like to follow her advice and tell her to F**K OFF
Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

Anyway, for those of you interested, there is a survey you can take to express your disgust with Helen Mirren - and what she said.

At the time I wrote this, a whopping 8% of people agreed with what the usless wrinkly old smelly vaginal infection had to say.

Feminism is oh so popular isn't it?

Why does the lame-stream-media keep on putting offensive women in the spotlight again and again and again...???

Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

Join me next time for "100 Uses for Helen Mirren's Dead Body"...