Thursday, September 19, 2013

Pope comes out of the Closet

Pope Francis
Pope Francis has announced publicly that people are focusing too much on gays and abortion. What he did not mention, is that the Catholic Church should not focus on these things, because they are drawing attention away from what the Catholic Church has been doing for centuries - destroying heterosexual relations (by vilifying men) whilst molesting altar boys.
Pope Francis
Pope Francis did not mention anything about continuing to fool people into believing that marriage is a religious institution, and not a state run institution - but - ha! Why bother eh?
Pope Francis
Pope Francis is just full of ideas - at least, that is the speculation of this reporter. In essence, Pope Francis's statement about gays and abortion means something really big for the Catholic Church - that not a God-Damned thing will change - nothing whatsoever.
Pope Francis
MEN-Factor reporters got wind that Pope Francis has allegedly set up a Pope-phone, and will use it when he gets wind that straight men are not being vilified for their penises and sex-drives.
Holy Pope Phone!
Whenever the Pope gets news of straight men enjoying sex without signing a legal contract with the government (i.e. paying the lady - I mean marriage - that holiest of holy things), he will jump to the Pope-Poles...
Pope Francis
...with his trusty side kick Altar Boy...
Altar Boy
...and use the Pope-Mobile to speed to the scene...
Pope Mobile
...where he can tell the straight man he is living in sin and will burn in hell...
Burn in Hell!
...for having sex with a woman without first signing a contract with the government making the sex "holy", ensuring that the government and banks will get money ensuring that the sex is not evil - until she gets bored of him he screws up the marriage somehow...

...All because Jesus loves him...
Jesus Loves You
in a purely plutonium fashion or something like that.

Are your eyes crossed yet?

Mine are.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Local Area Woman Discovers Why Men Don't Find Her Attractive

...because she is smart!
23 Year old Anita Dick has discovered the reason why men do not find her attractive - it is because she is smart.

Although her I.Q. has never been professionally tested, and suggesting that men do not like smart woman is a very negative and erroneous statement about men that wreaks of male-hatred, the 23 year old clueless bimbo women's studies graduate is convinced that her intelligence is why men do not find her attractive.

MEN-Factor reporters interviewed her and questioned her about her theory.

MF: Anita, do you think that it is possible for men to even know the I.Q. of a woman simply by looking at her?
Anita Dick: Of course, I.Q. points put out pheromones.  My instructors taught me that.  People with testosterone in their bodies are naturally repelled by these.
MF: Do you think it's possible that the men around you do not find you attractive because of your Katherine Kieu Becker fan club?
Anita Dick: Oh, no.  It is because I am smart.
MF: How about the fact that you have a T-shirt with Lorena Bobbitt's picture on it with the caption, "My Heroine"?
Anita Dick: Oh no, I am smart, that is why men do not like me.
MF: Well, is it possible that perhaps the march you organized last month entitled, "All Heterosexual Sex is Rape and Men are all Pigs, Except for Gay Guys" that is discouraging men from approaching you?
Anita Dick: No, it is because I am smart.
MF: What is your I.Q.?
Anita Dick: Whether or not I shave downstairs is none of your business!
MF: No, I.Q. means intelligence quotient.
Anita Dick: I do not need you to man-splain things to me, I am smart.
MF: OK, do you know how smart you are?
Anita Dick: Yes, I am very smart - smarter than you.
MF: Would you say you are smarter than Einstein?  Or smarter than Stephen Hawking?
Anita Dick: I am definitely smarter than my neighbor's dog.  Stephen Hawking's novels are sexist - my instructor's told me so.
MF: When was the last time you went out on a date?
Anita Dick: Two days ago - the guy was a typical pig - all he wanted was sex - he did not appreciate me for my mind.  He just wanted to get his hands on my chest.
MF: Well, did he get his hands on your chest?
Anita Dick: Of course, then he asked me what my I.Q. was, so I pulled down my pants.
MF: ok.
Anita Dick: Then he raped me.
MF: That is terrible!
Anita Dick: Why are you people so close minded when it comes to sex?
MF: You just said he raped you.
Anita Dick: Yeah.

MF. ok.  Do you think the reason he only wanted sex is because you have a very negative attitude towards men, but are physically attractive - hence, sex is the only thing you would be good for?
Anita Dick: No, all men are like that with all women.
MF: Well, if men do not find you attractive because you are smart, why did the man on the date a few days ago find you attractive?
Anita Dick: He was like, really dumb and did not know any better.  He had just gotten out of jail for murdering his ex-girlfriend.
MF: Is it wise to associate with people who have been to jail for murder?
Anita Dick: Of course, it's the "nice guys" that you need to worry about - my instructors taught me that.
MF: Thank you for your time.

Upon completion of the interview, MEN-Factor reporters went outside and began banging their heads against a wall for about an hour.