Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Woman Arrested for Raping Herself with a Dildo

Mary J. Longwood from Illinois was operating an electronic powered Dildo on Friday, December 9, 2011. However; the next morning, she changed her mind about using the dildo, and admitted that she had simply had too much to drink on Friday.

Modern WomanShe immediately phoned the police, and told authorities that she had been raped after drinking too much, and that she had taken advantage of herself and her sexually increased mood.

As we all know, alcohol increases sexual desire, but decreases sexual performance. That is why she did not fully enjoy the masturbating; she was too impaired to operate the dildo efficiently enough. Luckily, she did not chip any of her teeth while operating it drunk.

Police arriving on the scene were terribly confused, they did not know if they should arrest Mary J. Longwood, or the dildo. The officers on the scene had to call their supervisor to get advice. The supervisor said, grab them both, we'll use one as the primary suspect, and the other as evidence.

Currently, Mary J. Longwood is being held in the evidence locker, and the dildo is currently on trial in an Illinois court of law.

Feminist JudgeJudge Reginald Limpdick ordained, by royal decree, that the dildo be held for suspicion of debauchery and witchcraft - and sentenced to be boiled in hot water to remove any demonic presences. He was particularly harsh on this dildo, because it is tremendously bigger than his.

Some notable feminuts feminists were interviewed about this incident by RIP-Factor reporters:

Jessica ValentiJessica Valenti had just got finished eating a custard pie; this is what she had to say, "It doesn't matter that she might have consented to using the dildo on herself the night before, the fact is, if ANYBODY takes advantage of a woman in a drunken state, then they are the perpetrator of a sexual assault. So clearly, this woman is a victim."

Hanna RosinHanna Rosin had also just got done eating a custard pie, here is what she said,"I am not surprised to find yet another woman being taken advantage of while in a drunken state. Women are always victims; especially when it comes to sexual intercourse, because boys are icky."

And now, in order to make ourselves look like a genuine news source, we present you, the reader with some bullsh*t carpet munching factoids, designed to demonize men, and angellify women like complete lame-stream media f*ck-wits (if this doesn't get women cheering at a man getting his penis cut off, then we'll just have to try harder!):
Rape Statistics

And remember everybody - violence against women must be stopped...

Violence against men - like a man being drugged, tortured, abused and sexually mutilated - gets good ratings.


  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5OdQGbVNa4

  2. Weeeeeeeeeeee I could just not waqtch it all right now; I was getting ready to puke seeing Bill Maher on "The View".

  3. Oh come on Eric - BE BRAVE!!!

    It is definitely worth the watch.

    That one, and the latest from ManWomanMyth on YouTube...

    Best quote ever - "Any man giving to cancer research is like a Jew donating to the Nazi party".

    Thursday - I'm gonna blog on that - Friday, I'll be posting ManhoodAcademy's latest two videos - both excellent.

    Then, Monday, part 2 of my big rant about me.

  4. Ever notice how 99% or anti-woman stories on the Internet are MADE-UP AS HELL, like THIS one is?

    And also how anti-woman memes are also just words (lies, actually) scribbled across pictures?

    Pathetic attempts on misogynists' part.

    1. This story was meant as humor. Do you understand humor?