Monday, November 22, 2010

New Feminist Claim: The Solar System is Sexist!

Feminist leaders are claiming that the solar system is sexist. Why?

solar system

Our Solar System

Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto are all male names. Venus is the only female planet in the solar system. Even our sun, Sol, is a male. Feminists claim that this is a clear indicator of sexism and patriarchal conspiracy.

feminist leaderFeminist leader Edna G. Butts was interviewed: "Clearly, this is the reason for all the failures in my life - and the reason for failures in any woman's life. If more planets were named after women instead of men, we women would be more successful and better at mathematics and generally more successful at doing whatever."

semi-good-looking womanWe also interviewed a semi-good-looking woman to drive our ratings up a pinch, and convince people that not only ugly women think this way. Here is what she had to say to reporters: "It's no wonder I did so bad in school - all the planets are named after boys - all 4 of them. If they were named after girls, I probably would have gotten straight A's - even though I never studied. I am so glad I can blame my failures on men, and how they named the planets, instead of my own inabilities - I was starting to feel like I might have to go through the hard-work of improving myself."

feminist leadersFeminist leaders held a brain-storming session on how to rename the planets.

As it stands, our solar system is named like this:

Our Solar System

Our Solar System

Feminist leaders propose to rename it like this:

Feminist Solar System

Feminist Solar System

feminist leaderFeminist leader Edna G. Butts said, "Renaming the solar system like this will help girls do better in school." She then cut a fart, and shouted, "LOOKOUT! THE GOBLINS ARE BACK!", pulled down her pants and started throwing her fecal matter at bystanders while shouting "WOO WOO WOO WOO!".


  1. Addendum: The wisdom of Edna G. Butts was confirmed by the famed astrologer Mme. Woo Woo Ka-Ching. "Indeed, the planets are now aligned in every woman's favor. Strong and Independent women, who are simultaneously, Victimized and Oppressed, will now be able to give that patriarchy what-for. Please order your personal Kabballa Secret Power of Attraction astrology forecast, synchronized to your monthlies, at"

  2. I feel like there's a straw man situation going on over here. Or straw woman. Straw person?
    Just saying, your arguments might seem more credible if you didn't back them up with pictures of women in donut-filled bathtubs.

  3. @Bing.

    Or is it Ding?

    as in Ding-A-Ling.

    These are not arguments.

    They are humorous news stories.

    I am guessing you are a feminist?

    I understand where you are coming from then.

    Try Googling "Humor".

    Perhaps that will enlighten you.

    I read this from your prof:

    About Me:
    I don't have much of a sex life

    I am not surprised!

    Lay off the junk food, lose some weight, and get laid.

    Perhaps then you won't be so crabby!

    Good luck!

  4. God, what a funny post! You certainly know how to lampoon these fuddy-duddy strumpets. Keep up the good work!

  5. @Goofy Sufi:

    Thank you - and - I will keep it up.

    All of these posts were part of my original web-site - I had no reference material to refute feminist claims, so I just poked fun at various feminist claims in the form of farce news stories...

  6. feminists are human scum

    1. Amen. With that said, I am now going to ban anonymous posts.