Monday, November 29, 2010

Woman Purposely does Crossword Wrong; Hailed as Big Step for Women's Rights!

Smart FeministA brave woman, Ella V. Aidder pulled out the Sunday crossword from the paper. As always, she was frustrated by finding it to be challenging, and realized that the reason she did not find it "easy as pie" was because a man wrote it. In a stroke of genius; Instead of applying her skills, and making an effort, she did something very brave and courageous; she filled in the boxes with whatever letters, numbers and symbols she wanted to.
Feminist Crossword
Feminist LeaderFeminist leader Natalie P. Kuntz said that this is an excellent demonstration of how women can now set their own boundaries, and no longer have to follow any rules at all. "Why challenge yourself, or bother to improve yourself? You're a woman, its time us women started setting our own rules, and making our own goals. We do not need to be bothered with silly puzzles from the patriarchy when there are still plenty of rights we need to obtain, like bank entitlement options, visual rape compensation, vaginal discharge leaves of absence, PMS murder rights, and many others. This brave woman took a stand and said: No, I can't do it, and guess what - I'm not going to even try, and I don't have to either. Now that is what I call GRRL Power!"
Feminist PsychiatristDoctor of Psychiatry P. Ness Gawn said, "This is a great step in women's rights. This woman has demonstrated to the world that women really shouldn't live with any boundaries at all - no rules, no restraints, and no responsibilities. I hope that by saying this, my wife will put out tonight, I haven't had any in years."
Corporate TycoonCorporate tycoon J. Oakes Ondik had this to say: "This is excellent! You go Girl! By getting women to be even more reckless and stupid, it guarantees that they'll be more prone to be stupid and reckless with their spending. That means big bucks for me. It also means they'll be more prone to be stupid and reckless in their relationships. Hence, more divorces - and more wink wink - alimony money in their pockets - that they'll no doubt spend on the crap my corporations manufacture.
PoliticianPolitician Greg B. Snatch said, "This is great, yeah, I'll have to remember to play this card during my next erection, er uhm, election, so I can play on the stupidity of women, and get the 'women vote'. The pay gap thing works most of the time, women are stupid enough to swallow that sh*t, but new material to play on women's hatred and stupidity is always nice."

Monday, November 22, 2010

New Feminist Claim: The Solar System is Sexist!

Feminist leaders are claiming that the solar system is sexist. Why?

solar system

Our Solar System

Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto are all male names. Venus is the only female planet in the solar system. Even our sun, Sol, is a male. Feminists claim that this is a clear indicator of sexism and patriarchal conspiracy.

feminist leaderFeminist leader Edna G. Butts was interviewed: "Clearly, this is the reason for all the failures in my life - and the reason for failures in any woman's life. If more planets were named after women instead of men, we women would be more successful and better at mathematics and generally more successful at doing whatever."

semi-good-looking womanWe also interviewed a semi-good-looking woman to drive our ratings up a pinch, and convince people that not only ugly women think this way. Here is what she had to say to reporters: "It's no wonder I did so bad in school - all the planets are named after boys - all 4 of them. If they were named after girls, I probably would have gotten straight A's - even though I never studied. I am so glad I can blame my failures on men, and how they named the planets, instead of my own inabilities - I was starting to feel like I might have to go through the hard-work of improving myself."

feminist leadersFeminist leaders held a brain-storming session on how to rename the planets.

As it stands, our solar system is named like this:

Our Solar System

Our Solar System

Feminist leaders propose to rename it like this:

Feminist Solar System

Feminist Solar System

feminist leaderFeminist leader Edna G. Butts said, "Renaming the solar system like this will help girls do better in school." She then cut a fart, and shouted, "LOOKOUT! THE GOBLINS ARE BACK!", pulled down her pants and started throwing her fecal matter at bystanders while shouting "WOO WOO WOO WOO!".

Friday, November 19, 2010

Don't Ask, Just Laugh (or Don't?)

I wonder what possessed me to do this:

womens liberation
Womens Liberation

womens studies
womens studies



Thursday, November 18, 2010

Man Enjoys Sexual Intercourse with Woman: Public Outraged!

22 year old Hue G. Wreckshun allegedly had sexual intercourse with a woman on November 22, 2010. When the public was informed of the sexual intercourse (which they had no business knowing of in the first place), polls did not favor the young man from Chawpitauf Montana.

old womanSome nameless loony grizzled old hag was interviewed by reporters:
"It is a shame to see young people having sex these days. Back in my day, we never had sex ever. Well, actually we did, but never for fun. Actually, I am just upset because I never get any anymore; those lucky young bastards and bitches!"

feministA life long militant feminazi was interviewed: "That stupid god-damned bastard is a f@!%ing rapist! Rape is a serious crime. I hate rape so god-damned much. That f&#!@ing bastard should be tied up into a chair, and forced to watch his own mother get raped. That is how much against rape I am!!!!"

college professorSome dickless nutty shit-for-brains fuzzy sweater-wearing college professor had this to say: "Clearly, the woman is a victim of male-aggression. Of course, I am only saying this because I am a dickless fuzzy-sweater wearing twit that has never even had sex because I have been isolated on this male-hating university campus that twits like me have helped to create - by believing that siding with men-hating bitches will somehow help me get laid. Clearly, as smart as I am, I am too much of a complete dumb-a$$ to figure that one out. Actually, I am not even a man - I just look like one. HA! Fooled you didn't I?"

The alleged victim of the sexual intercourse was asked to comment - but was too embarrassed to talk to reporters.

police officerOfficer Teddy Nonuts Watson commented: "Well, what can I say, If she enjoyed it too, she is clearly a filthy slut. If she didn't, then I get to vent my frustrations caused by my inferiority complex out on some sap that really pisses me off, since he got to have sex with a mega-hot woman I'll NEVER get to have sex with. Either way, I can vent my frustrations by calling her a slut, or giving him a beating! Hot DAWG I love being a cop!"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Feminists Concerned by Low Rape Rates: Start Raping Themselves!

Recent findings in the field of rape and sexual assault have recently uncovered a dark secret in our society: False Rape Claims. A recently conducted study revealed that at least 60% of the rape claims they investigated turned out to be false. The reasons for such false claims included: spite, revenge, or border-line personality disorders.

feminist leaders
Feminist leaders were allegedly shocked by the finding, and held a brain-storming session to combat the problem.

Their goal was to find a way to increase the amount of actual rapes occurring. Despite their best efforts to convince people that the majority of men are rapists, pedophiles, and generally "not nice" human beings, feminist leaders are losing the fight to destroy the general reputation of men. Even their recent ramblings of a mythical man-shortage are falling on deaf ears, as their tactics become more and more transparent.

It is very clear that the majority of men in the United States of America are in fact decent human beings - despite the best efforts of feminists to get the general population to believe otherwise.

feminist leaderFeminist leader Rosy P. Ness allegedly told reporters, "We are running out of funds to feed our sisters who are busy fighting the severe and extreme anorexia problem in this country by shoveling hundreds of donuts into their fat faces each day! We are very good to playing the NATURAL compassion that men have towards women against themselves, but lately, that tactic is falling short - and not paying our humongous food bills to combat anorexia - and ensure that most women are at least 100 pounds overweight!"

feminist leaderHard-core, life-long feminist Inez D. Butt told reporters, "This is an outrage! People are going to start believing that most men are decent human beings and that is total crap! Why, just last week, I got raped at least 587,933 times, possibly even more - I just haven't decided yet!"

Ultimately, feminist leaders have decided the only way to combat the ever-decreasing rape rates, and false-rape accusations is to counteract them by raping themselves.

feminist leaderFeminist Leader Rosy P. Ness allegedly told reporters, "We are so glad that we thought of this. By raping each other over and over again, we are killing two birds with one stone. Not only will this drive rape rates back up, and help to demonize men, but it will also give us a break from eating our own feces for a while. It's good to mix things up every now and again, and do something different!"

police officerPolice Chief Dick Nossack O'Toole of Metropolis told reporters, "I am so glad that the feminists are raping themselves to increase the rape statistics. This will greatly increase funding to my police department. As far as the adverse effects that scaring tons of women into believing that every 8 seconds they have a 50/50 chance of being raped - who cares - I don't - I just want a bigger salary, and the opportunity to vent my frustrations stemming from my inferiority complex out on other men whose penises are definitely bigger than mine!"

corporate tycoonCorporate tycoon Dick E. Bonar was interviewed as well. His thoughts, "Oh, uh yeah, men are all pigs and stuff. The only way for women to combat the 90% rape rate is to buy lots of food, get fat, unattractive, and compensate for their lack of intimacy buy spending lots of money - preferably, money that is not theirs - but their ex-husbands."

police officerPolice Officer M. Lacque Sack told reporters, "Oh yeah, fudging statistics on rape is coming out of the closet - the public just isn't buying it anymore. These crazy psycho-bitches raping themselves will definitely drive rape-rates up, and I'll get a bigger salary. In fact, if they were smart enough to video-tape it; that would make for some really hot porn that I could jack off to. I prefer to masturbate rather than get a real woman - I'm afraid women will make fun of my small penis and gonads - as you can see, I overcompensate my shortcomings in the genital department with my mustache."

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dickless Moron Wearing Fuzzy Sweater on College Campus Decides he wants to get Laid; Appeals to Women's Hatred of Men to do so

Slaughty Bartfost of Dickless University in Maine obtained a Ph.D. in Philosophy and became an instructor at Dickless University. During those years of attending college, he never once had sexual intercourse. Now, all of that is about to change he claims.

"I plan to approach women with a 'you go grrl' attitude - to let them know that I am on their side. I hope that this will help me get laid. I plan to agree with the male-bashing prevalent on all college campuses in order to get women to like me, and hopefully, put out. I will simply tell women that I agree with laws like V.A.W.A, even though they are clearly sexist. Also, I will show my support for abortion and the rape-shield laws, and whine about how many democrats lost seats in the house of representatives in this election - yeah, that might do it! Why bother with self-respect when it comes to sex?"

Feminists on the Dickless campus were interviewed about Mr. Bartfost's plan. They all claimed that they would gladly have sexual intercourse with Mr. Bartfost just to prove a point. So far, according to Mr. Bartfost however, there have been no actual takers - just a lot of talk and support for his plan to acquire sexual intercourse. Most of them told reporters, the only reason any man agrees with anything women say is to get laid, and this just proves that point.

One brain-washed male-hating woman on the Dickless campus told reporters, "I am afraid of what his penis might do to me - assuming that he even has one. I am too used to the idea of hating male sex organs, and thinking of them as being evil and bad to want anything to do with one - but if it will make a political point, and encourage other of those men-things to agree with male-hatred and feminism, I might just be psychotic enough to do it. I'll have to take some extra Lithium and be severely doped up though. Hell, I'd f**k myself if I thought it would help society grant me more privileges - I MEAN RIGHTS."

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Domestic Violence Month Fails to Bring Proper Funds, Feminists Threaten to Beat Themselves if Men Won't!

feminist leaderFeminist leader Edna Butz McKraken then begin eating her own feces and talking into a banana that she claimed was her cell-phone.
Get Some Nuts Spinach LipPolice Chief M. Lacque Sack allegedly told reporters, "Scaring people into believing that women are beaten 20 times every second would be AWESOME! Think of how much funding my police department would get! Not only that, I could vent my own frustrations and inferiority complex out on the next poor chap whose psychotic wife calls 911 over a verbal argument - I wouldn't have to risk dealing with people who are actually dangerous criminals, and I'd get more money too! FREEEEKIN' AWESOME!!"
Whorporate PigThe C.E.O. of Pig Vomit Cola said, "Hey, YEAH! This is brilliant! By convincing women that men are all excessively violent, we can cater to that hatred and anger in our commercials. Oh what fun! If women are stupid enough to believe that crap, they'll be stupid enough to suck down pig-vomit-cola by the gallons in no time! Our Profits Will Soar!!! Just like a downward spiral out of control!"
feminist doctorMedical Doctor Frank N. Stein was interviewed about the effects of domestic violence: "Oh yeah, domestic violence is awesome! I only need another 8000 dollars for my new Jacuzzi, and treating injuries from domestic violence won't get me that. However; I just invested a ton of money in various companies that treat *wink* *wink* psychological conditions like stress, ADHD, and the like. By getting men out of the home, and making women raise children by themselves, stock in those companies is sure to go up - not to mention all the injuries the children will receive - statistics have proved that!"

Monday, November 1, 2010

Mentally Handicapped Man Playing with Box of Crayons Demonstrates the Potential of the Mentally Challenged!

A very special boy named "Gabby" demonstrated the potential of mentally handicapped people have while playing with a box of crayons on Friday October 29, 2010.

His parents, relatives, and his alleged creepy 7th grade English teacher that was always having him play games with his tongue; all allegedly applauded the very special Gabby for doodling the following comic:
gabbys playhouse special sexism
After wiping most of the drool off of the scribbling, the comic was allegedly applauded by professionals in the mental health industry.
Feminist Psychology
Feminist PsychologistPsychologist Fred Fartworthy allegedly stated, "If we can get more mentally handicapped people to draw cartoons like this, we might finally bring an end to this society, AND I WILL RULE THE WORLD!"
Feminist PsychologistPsychiatrist Seymour Butts allegedly said, "Not only is this an excellent demonstration of the potential of the mentally handicapped, but also, and excellent argument for legalizing marijuana, LSD, cocaine and even heroine too! Man, that would be so f**king awesome!"
Feminist PsychologistMental Health Senior advisor, Dr. Ghattno Dick allegedly said, "His random bouts of pussy brain discharge are the best, I've known this crazy bastard for years, jerky. I'm silly, I love it. I'd like to give him a good shoe in the a$$ and two smacks across the mouth because I love that crazy bastard!"