Friday, February 5, 2016

Man Held in Suspicion of Attempted Masturbation

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Peter Longwood, a man from South Carolina is being held on suspicion of attempted masturbation - not in public, but in the privacy of his own home.

Peter Longwood, like many men, is not simply ignored by women for not being a blood-lusting loser and a complete psychopath - his very presence is repulsive to the women he works with.

Peter Longwood is a pleasant young man who was raised to be polite, courteous and kind to others. Because of that, the women he works with on a daily basis are extremely offended and upset that his testicles are in the same building as their precious vaginas that are more important than anything in the entire universe. But that does not stop Peter Longwood from showing up to work everyday and performing his duties to the best of his abilities.

RIP-Factor reporters interviewed several women that Peter works with. This is what they had to say.

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Peter's female co-workers filed the complaint against him, after they decided that their vaginas were just so gosh awful precious as to have him in the same room as them and their vaginas.

Thanks to newly passed legislation, Peter Longwood was arrested for being suspected of attempted masturbation - which also counts as sexual harassment, rape, sex-trafficking, date-rape, and pedophilia. If convicted, Peter Longwood will face 277 consecutive life sentences.

Police Chief Monique Hunt said, "Come on, you can tell just by looking at him that he would have masturbated! I mean, no woman in the world should have to suffer having his testicles even exist - period. We are supposed to be equal now - it is unfair that Peter Longwood has testicles and I don't."

Anyway, enjoy looking at a picture of a woman who: thinks she is out of your league, thinks she is too good for you, thinks she is too good to talk to you, thinks men getting raped in prison is funny, screams bloody murder when a woman gets raped, is OK with FEMALE teachers having sex with their students but screams pedophile when a MALE teacher has sex with a student, would be happy to spend all of your hard earned money on shoes, and would laugh if you got your penis cut off.
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Seriously - What's not to like!?

Remember - we live in a misogynistic society...

6 comments:

  1. ehhh longwood ... nice touch and got the hint hehe ,-)

    Are you sure he is american and not swedish?

    Wait, he can't be swedish, because then he would already be in prison and back to back, serve two consecutive life sentence for masturbation

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  2. Police Chief Monique Hunt... Money cunt. haha!

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    1. It took me way too long to think of that...

      Glad you caught it.

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  3. damn, I missed the hunt-cunt word-play or reference .... but the text is the gift, that keeps on giving ehhehe

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    1. I have read the text five times now, I am still laughing, the pictures with feminists and particular the chick with the mittens comment ....stroke of sheer genius. It is on my top 10 list

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