Friday, September 25, 2015

Toy Vacuum Sends Wrong Message to Middle Aged Man Shopping at WalGreens

They look like fun and non-menacing toys poised like vacuums. But are they in fact, sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard from Reno Nevada when he shops at Walgreens? We sent our crack-head team of reportive investigators as well as our Prozac-ridden team of instigative reporters to investigate and report on these so-called "toys".

Lame-Stream Media
When 45 year old Richard from Reno NV first saw the inconspicuous toy sitting on a shelf he thought nothing of it. But after he stared at it for a few minutes, he realized that the toy vacuum box was telling him that children should be vacuuming his house.

Our crack-head team of investigating journalists investigated and journalized all about this bitch. They talked to the middle-aged Richard for 15 seconds, then smoked some more crack. This is what Richard allegedly had to say.
I saw some children on the box, and realized that the toy vacuum box was telling me that children are superior at vacuuming than adults. Now, every time I vacuum, - I feel inferior or that I am doing it wrong. I just want to give up on vacuuming altogether.

Lame-Stream Media
Our crack-head team of investigators then investigated feminist opinions all about this bitch. The seriously evil toy vacuum box is clearly one of the many ills in our society that just sends wrong messages to people like Richard.

feminist I think the person who made this toy vacuum box should be drawn and quartered. In addition to sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard, it also sends the message that boys are better at operating equipment like vacuum cleaners - and that is damaging to women - that is why I do not have a billion dollars - it is all because of this damned toy vacuum box.

feminist I think the people that made this toy vacuum box should be stuffed into a cannon and then shot at a brick wall - that'll show 'em!!!

feminist I think the makers of this toy vacuum box should be placed into the Iron Maiden. Then they will stop sending the wrong message to middle-aged men like Richard - who is clearly a victim of the toy vacuum cleaner.

As the middle-aged Richard was leaving the Walgreens, the cashier made the grim mistake of saying "totally" way to much.

Richard then looked at the young female cashier and said, "TOTALLY? You know that I am like TOTALLY going to give you a hard time about that now..."

The young female cashier giggled (in order to cover up her sheer terror and fear of the misogynistic and creepy middle-aged Richard) and said, "OH, I am like so TOTALLY a valley girl".

The creepy Richard then responded back, "I am like TOTALLY going to pay cash for this purchase, and like TOTALLY get a pack of gum too."

Lame-Stream Media
Richard went on to excessively use the word "totally" way too much while speaking to the beautiful and sexy young female cashier whom he TOTALLY wanted to FACE-SLAP with his GIGANTIC PENIS.

Yes, he was clearly flirting with her - and this team of anti-depressant-smelling reporters has no choice but to blame the toy vacuum box for his pedophilic tendencies for flirting with a 20-something young woman. AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM BEING JEALOUS - GOT IT!!! If the toy vacuum box did not exist - Richard would probably be TOTALLY gay - which is like TOTALLY OK.
Totally Bangable
Luckily, the young woman was TOTALLY not raped or beaten by Richard, but she was TOTALLY psychologically traumatized after TOTALLY speaking with the TOTALLY middle-aged Richard - all TOTALLY because of that damned toy vacuum box.

Damn You All to Hell


  1. Poor Richard .....but ROFL and how hilarious, people should get a life

    Yes, beneath the surface and biological fact: human nature hasn't changed since the days of Homo erectus, our modern skull houses a stone-aged mind, why we are all cave and nothing changed....... ^^

    it is better to accept and embrace the inner cave woman- or manhood, because when we don't have to deal with the hehhe vacuum cleaner issue ehehe

    raquel welch in the movie One Million Years

  2. At the supermarket yesterday, I saw a couple of seriously cute teenagers buying a box of Captain Crunch cereal. I thought: 'I'm not tall and have a moustache. Why don't I have a cool ship and teenaged groupies?'

    Now I'm offended too.

    I want to be interviewed by TV Infobabes who'll think I'm off in the head, and therefore will gladly want a live-in boyfriend, and they'll make breakfast for me.

    I couldn't find any crackheads to write the news story, but Captain Crunch is the preferred cereal of Acid droppers, so maybe when they're not tripping they can write it up...

    1. It is clear that many products out there are sending the wrong message to people.

      It is no wonder society is crumbling.

  3. Want something really cartoonish, when you should check the femihags, they are angry about Kermit the Frog's new girlfriend Denise is younger and thin. They can not get over the symbolism and totally forget it's just puppets.

    link to Kermit's lol new puppet girlfriend, thin, low maintenance and not a feminist. What a great deal

    1. Me and my GF watched that muppets episode - neither one of us remember Ms Piggy having boobs.

      At any rate - leave it to feminists to get upset over a f**king puppet.

  4. The feminists always get upset about the minor or obscure details. English and American feminists are upset about freaking puppets, while Scandinavian feminists go berserk and their foolish hate fest against man-yogurt. (At first, I thought it was a joke or ehhh new slang word for sperm, but ...sadly real) ..Their whole infantile campaign, it could not be more idiotic, but I have corresponded with other people, there I have suggested, that we can not deal with all the brainless feminist issues, that it is better to downsize and formulate our own goals for the future.
    However, it is problematic, that NGO organizations such as Danish Woman Society can freely harass various companies and private citizens, because the public can not get access to their financial statements and sponsor deals. The public is actually entitled to know, if tax money was misused and it needs to be investigated, if there have been an unintended distortion of competition. Danish "Woman" society must also explain and prove, that at least 30% of the board is completely independent of the founder or they do not meet the rules in this area. The best would be all NGO organizations were imposed and not exempt from submitting accounts for EVERY cent, neither more nor less