Monday, April 30, 2012

Barnes and Noble Teaming up with Microsoft!

Surely it is a dark and gloomy day. Barnes and Noble book seller has sold its soul to the devil, and will now team up with Microsoft. This is bad news for us that read actual paper books, as we will now suffer from the following:
  1. While reading our books, they will indiscriminately crash and have to be re-opened.
  2. An insufferable condescending paperclip caricature will harass us every 5 minutes making jack assed assumptions about what it is it “looks like to him what we are trying to do”
  3. Before we can close the book, the book will spend hours trying to “install necessary updates”
  4. AND – we will not be able to re-open the book until those updates are done.
  5. Norton virus scan will now bother us every 7 minutes claiming our book “has not been properly scanned for viruses”.
  6. Every time you turn a page in your book, an annoying pop-up page will appear telling you of a pill that will make your penis bigger.
  7. Every other time you turn a page in your book, some obnoxious woman will say she read your profile on “horny matches” and really really liked it.
  8. The books you buy will be twice as big and contain half as many words – but the words will have really cool alpha blending against the page they are on – oh, and alpha shading too, so they will require the new paper 9.x with full shading support – or else the book will not work.
  9. When you get about 10 pages into the book, you will need to run to the book store to buy a new cover for it, or else it will no longer work.
  10. You will have to remember and type in an annoying password in order to open the book.
Lame – yeah – whatever. I'm not awake yet.

Friday, April 27, 2012

John Edwards and the One-Eyed Trouser Trout


Allegations have been flying everywhere regarding John Edwards and Rielle Hunter. Allegedly, Edwards had a rise in his Levi’s which led Hunter to play hoop snake and one thing led to another and Edward’s giggle stick went into Hunter’s haircourt - which led to a stall whimper.


Don’t that beat the Dutch!

The big news currently is, that the judge in the case will allow Ron Jeremy to use the footage of the two to make a really hot spicy porn, which he plans to call, “John Edwards and the One-Eyed Trouser Trout”.

MEN-Factor secret agents have already viewed the footage – as well as some other porn.

They give it three out of five stars.

They have been asked to stop screwing around and give an analysis of what the video shows.

Here is their report:

It starts out with Edwards presenting his bearded blood sausage to Hunter. Hunter starts to burping Edwards love worm, and Edwards pops his beech nuts on Hunter’s peaches. It doesn’t end quite yet however; Hunter then begins fondling Edwards love apples and Edwards soon begins sporting a sequoia. Edwards then begins petting Hunter’s poodle, and eventually plunges his blue-headed meat roll into Hunter’s bearded clam. As Hunter’s furburger and Edwards bald headed champ get into a wrestling match, things heat up. Edwards cannot get satisfaction, so he takes a trip to Hunter’s moon, and eventually expands on the big bang theory while driving down Hunter’s bosco boulevard.


Ron Jeremy said that the footage was totally hot, and he should make at least 200 dollars off of it.

Nothing is better than Politician Porn!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Secret Service: Part Deux - Don't Deux IT!!!

This is a message to all the people in the secret service:

You have crossed the line - you have had sexual intercourse.  SHAME ON YOU - YOU VILE DESPICABLE MOUNDS OF TRIPE FODDER!

Seriously, I want to help you guys out.

The next time you get the urge to have sexual intercourse, try engaging in one of the following activities instead:

1. Waterboard an Arab.

2. Lynch a Negro.

3. Mutilate a small animal.

4. Beat a Jaywalker.

5. Poison a non-corrupt politician.

6. Frame a non-corrupt politician.

The list above is just a small example of much more "wholesome" activities you guys can be engaging in beside sexual intercourse with women - I mean - my GOD!  Have you no SHAME!!!!

You are clearly defiling, shaming, manipulating, harassing and finally raping those prostitutes in Porta Rico or where ever the f&ck it was.

Stop victimizing those poor, poor helpless hookers that take your money for a few minutes of pleasure.

Sexual intercourse is fun, good exercise, healthy, and leads to the creation of life in many instances - AND FOR THAT IT MUST BE DESTROYED!
HARRY REID TOLD ME SO!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Secret Service: It's all Fun and Games until Somebody Has Sexual Intercourse!

Good grief.

What is the big news these days?

The economy tanking?

Bankers and Wallstreet buffoons stealing money and not caring about the future of America?

Politicians and others rigging elections?

Nope, nope, and nope.

The big news is that - are you sitting down?

Ok, good. The big news is that some of the people in the secret service have penises and actually engage in sexual intercourse... WITH WOMEN!!!

I know, I know, this is shocking.

Myself, I almost collapsed when I heard that the MEN who protect the president actually get horny like normal human beings filthy dirty raping beasts.

What is this world coming to when men start having sex with women.

All hell is breaking loose!

Will nothing stop these men from wanting sex!?!?

What's next?  People eating food?!?!

Friday, April 20, 2012

An Engineer, a Psychologist and a Police Officer Walk into a bar…

The Psychologist sees two crazy people.

The Police Officer sees two criminals.

The Engineer sees two problems.

Who is the most correct?

The engineer of course.

The moral of this story is:

I do not like police officers (except for a few).

I really really do not like psychologists.

Why are there so many of them in the "man-o-sphere" anyway?

Things that make you go hmmmmm….

Monday, April 16, 2012

I am NOT the 3%!!!

A few years back, an engineer I worked with decided to quit his job and become a police officer.

An odd choice at first glance, but this man had decided that computer programming was not his forte. I hate to say it, but this was true - when he would come to me for advice, it was usually about basic programming concepts - nothing a 2nd year computer science student would not know as common knowledge. I of course gave him as much help as he needed. An aside about me: I help my fellow engineers solve problems when they cannot (if they ask anyway). I understand that if a co-worker gets in a bind, it is a huge morale boost for them to know that they can always rely on their co-workers for advice and help.

I had spoken to him several times but we were not terribly close. However; this incident made us close, as I almost joined the FBI at one point (in case you are wondering, you can use a B.S. in Electrical Engineering as “more fuel” to apply for a job at the FBI – and if my memory serves, they said with my degree I would have been assigned to the “diverse specialist” team).

Anyway, a while later, he showed up back at work – this time decked out in midnight blue – full police accoutrements (gun, club, radio etc...).

I told him congratulations, and he thanked me. A brief conversation took place about his training (I was curious, since I nearly applied at the FBI office in Carson City many years back). He explained to me that one fact they beat him over the head with during training is that only 3% of the population actually engages in criminal activity.

This shocked me. Only 3%!!! How can that be?

He told me that the reason they repeatedly told him about the 3%, is because often, seasoned police officers (having dealt with nothing but criminals) start to see criminals everywhere they look.

I pondered the 3% number for a while – and did some math.

Let’s suppose that all 3% of those criminals were men, and all of them committed say – the sole crime of rape (this is a ridiculous supposition, since there are many other crimes – theft, assault, disorderly conduct etc…).

That means that 6% of men (assuming that 50% of the population is male) go around raping women.

Those 6% of men must be busy indeed – to rape 25% of all women attending college?

And ultimately, to rape 1 in every 3 women in the country!

As usual, the numbers just do not jive.

I am more prone to believe that only 3% of the population engages in criminal activity – and that not the entire 3% is male – and there are crimes committed besides rape.

Notice too, that you can apply the same 3% number to domestic violence, or just violence against women – the numbers still do not jive with the crap you hear on the TV, radio and other media outlets…

The lies being spread these days are just plain shameless, stupid and ridiculous. It's gotta stop!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

San Fran PSYCHO. And Others...

Enjoy some pictures I took on my EASTER break (or don't):

San Fransisco:
San Fransisco
San Fransisco
San Fransisco
San Fransisco
I think this is Alcatraz
Alcatraz
San Fransisco Street Show
San Fransisco Silver Man
San Fransisco Houdini
San Fransisco Crabs

I stopped in China Town on Monday night:
China Town

China Town
I went to a cartoon art gallery on Tuesday:
Cartoon Art Gallery

Half Moon Bay:
Half Moon Bay Lighthouse
Half Moon Bay
Half Moon Bay
Half Moon Bay

Monterey Bay:
Monterey Bay
Monterey Bay
Monterey Bay
Monterey Bay

Monterey Bay Aquarium:
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Santa Cruz Boardwalk:
Santa Cruz Boardwalk
Santa Cruz Boardwalk

Santa Cruz Boardwalk Pier:
Santa Cruz Boardwalk Pier
While on the Pier in Santa Cruz, I got to see some lifeguards in training:
Life Guard Training
Life Guard Training

Santa Cruz Boardwalk Fair:
Santa Cruz Boardwalk Fair
Santa Cruz Boardwalk Fair

Saturday, April 7, 2012

The Usual Bullsh!t

Well, I read the manboobz blog, and as usual, he and his minions are spreading the usual bullsh*t.

What is that bullsh*t?

The same bullsh*t I have been hearing my whole life from most feminists, and most people in general.

To be specific - that everybody is the same.

No matter who you are, sure, there will be people similar to you, and there will be people different from you. Chances are, there will be a greater number of people who are different than you.

The problem I have is that there seem to be a small select group of women and men who believe that all people are the same - or worse - should be FORCED to be the same - hence, we get the toxic brand of feminist equality.

The latest topic on his blog was "misogynistic sex myths".

Brother, the crap that poured out from his followers was telling indeed. I break it down for you here - highlighting the more notable comments - whilst filtering out the plethora of "shaming language" that was getting spewed out.

Women don’t really like sex at all; they just put up with it as a means of getting emotional intimacy, material goods, etc.

This does apply to some women, but not all women - there are women who use sex simply for material gain - they are called hookers - and, prostitution is called "the worlds oldest profession". Not everybody is exactly like you - DEAL WITH IT.

Women innately want men to dominate them during sex.

I have had women request that I tie them up, and actually whip, spank or even hit them. So, there are in fact women like this. Yeah, sorry, but not everybody is exactly like you - DEAL WITH IT.

Women saying no are just teasing you, or are just saying no because they’re nervous, or will stop saying no if you just keep going…

Many moons ago, in a dance club, I asked a woman to dance - she said no. I persisted despite the no's - and eventually was dancing with her. Later, we went back to her hotel room and had sex (this was at the American Bandstand in downtown Reno - which no longer exists). So clearly, there are women who like persistence - or better yet - women who like men that show excessive interest. Yeah - sorry, but not everybody is exactly like you - DEAL WITH IT.

The idea that virgin women are the best at sex ever.

I expand on this in a later and similar one below.

The myth that women have a monopoly on “sexual power”

Granted, this is a myth for the most part. However; many women do act like they do have a monopoly on sexual power. And, given their attractiveness, it might hold true for most men. The fallacy with this statement lies not with all women, but some women. Some women do in fact think like this, and unfortunately, many men "fall in line" with it.

False rape accusations are numerous.

Forgive me, I cannot provide a reference, but at the False Rape Society - now called The Community of the Wrongly Accused, they did provide a link to an article where police claimed there was a false rape claim epidemic. This should not be dismissed so readily without a proper investigation. DEAL WITH IT.

That virginity is a thing you can lose and a valuable concept.

From above. When a woman, or a man for that matter, is having sex with whomever and whenever - it can be a warning indicator that sex is an emotionally detached process. If emotionally detached sex is what both parties are looking for - all the power to them. However; many people want monogamy - and sex is not a sexually detached process. All the power to them as well. Therefore, any person who wants to perform only with somebody they are emotionally attached to - all the power to them. To these people, virginity is charished (I personally think it is over-rated and gynocentric) but in any case - DEAL WITH IT.

Women want to be raped

What f*cking planet are you from? I have NEVER heard this myth. It must have come from 8th planet in the feminut system in the dimension of unrealigorky.

The idea that treating women with courtesy and respect is a turn-off is a very misogynistic sex myth.

Sorry to disappoint; many women do not like being treated like ladies. Do not ask me why - it seems like the more a man treats them like dirt, the farther he'll get. Not everybody is exactly like you. DEAL WITH IT.

Women shed tears on command.

Old phrase called, "crocodile tears". This is true. DEAL WITH IT. However; this is NOT even a sex myth - it is a basic fact about many people - many people are good actors - it is how they manipulate others.

If Futrelle really wanted to improve things, he would not be presenting sex from such a gynocentric point of view.

Give the toxic brand of feminism that has gotten spread over the last 40-50 years, I'd say there are a greater number of male-hating sex myths about men than women.

Therefore, David Fruitcake SHOULD be presenting negative myths about both men and women, not just women.

Allow me to present a few negative myths about men:

Men want to rape women.

Men want to molest children.

Men do not care if their partner enjoys sex.

All men enjoy getting blow jobs.

The only thing a woman needs to do to keep her man happy is perform sex.

Men are emotionally detached from sex.

Men want to have sex with as many women as possible.

Men do not want monogamy (same as above I suppose).

How about some straight from the feminist manual?

All men are rapists and that's all that they are - quote from Marilyn French - I think??

By the age of 30, the average man has fantasized about having sex with 10 children.

Men ask women to shave downstairs because they want to experience the sensation of having sex with a prepubescent. (It's not like oral sex has anything to do with it)

Men think with their dicks.

The majority of stalkers are men (men exceed women in stalking by a whopping 1%)

The reason men in college are so horny is so they can get women pregnant and stop them from getting educations and careers. (Somebody call the crazy train please).

25% of women will be raped while attending college (it is more like 1 in 2000, not 1 in 4). (CHACHING!!! think of the donations!!!)

The majority of spousal murders are men (the exact ratio is 4:3 - for every 4 men who kill their wives, 3 women kill their husbands - not such a majority is it?)

Date rape drug hysteria - labelling a huge demographic of men as poisoning women to get sex - bullshit.

The fact is, in the last 40-50 years, there has been far more male-hating lies in regards to sex being spread than woman-hating lies.

Granted, from my experiences, there are some myths out there - but they all depend on the nature of the individual.

Trying to typecast everybody into the same "slot" is an epic fail.

When I add up all the women I have met, sure, it is far less than even 1% of the population. However; I can say that of that small slice - they were all radically different when it came to their tastes in sexual intercourse.

As for their tastes in men - well, in their youth - and again - DEAL WITH IT - there was a pattern of young women seeking men who were broken that they deemed as needing fixing. My best guess about this phenomena - is that when they are younger, they are seeking a relationship where they believe they are in control - that is - they seek somebody who they consider "lower" then themselves - or somebody they can put themselves in a position of authority over (since the man is broken and they are not)...

Anyhoo - comment away please - let me know your thoughts.

I am going to San Fransisco for EASTER break.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

What's Wrong with this Picture?

Here it is again:

Belvedere Vodka

Study it carefully before you answer - and read the caption carefully...

Unlike some people, Belvedere Vodka always goes down smoothly.

And of course, you see a man smiling and a woman who looks like she is choking, or trying to get away, or just gasping in shock or something.

So - what is this ad trying to imply?

That the man does not "go down smoothly"?
That the woman does not "go down smoothly"?

What does the ad mean by "go down"?

Is it a reference to oral sex?

When they say smoothly - are they referring to the person's ability to perform oral sex?

Or do they mean that oral sex is going to be forced on them?

Could the ad be implying that the man wants to perform oral sex on her - and he is so bad at it, she is trying to get away?

Does sex even enter into this picture?

This was published on a few blogs I visit here and there - it surprised me, that without getting an "acknowledgement of guilt" - that is, without seeing in the news that the creators of this ad did in fact mean that the man in the picture was going to force the woman to perform oral sex on him (I do not even cognate how it is possible to force somebody to perform oral sex - except maybe with a gun or something - but that's jsut me) - many came to that conclusion.

When I first saw it, it looks like the man is giving the woman the hymlich (sp??), because she is choking - like she just kissed somebody or did something with somebody and it did not go down smoothly.

But, that's just me.

If anybody reading this saw something other than a man raping a woman, please let me know.

I think this ad is a wee-bit of a warschau inkblot test.

Telling indeed.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

This made me Laugh...

A commercial for glasses...


Although - I'd wager a guess some people here in la-de-da land will find it offensive...