Friday, September 21, 2012

The Safest Way to have SEX with a Woman...

You do not even need a condom for this one.

Purchase a tape-recorder (or mp3 recorder), and a dildo.

On the tape recorder (or mp3 recorder), record yourself making a bunch of "oooh" and "yeah" sounds over and over again.


When the time for sex comes follow these steps:

1. Turn out the lights.

2. Insert the dildo into your partner.

3. Press play on the tape recorder (or mp3 recorder).

4. Quickly duck under the bed.

If everything goes right, you should not get into any trouble.  However; if your partner finds out that you have pulled a fast one on her, she might file a rape claim against you - or say that she was offended - in which case, you'll be registered as a sex offender.

Practice makes perfect - try this on an inflatable Sarah Palin doll a few times to get the hang of it.
Enjoy your weekend while you practice safe sex - with an inflatable Sarah Palin Love Doll - and when you get the hang of inserting the dildo and pressing play on the tape recorder at the right times - you'll be ready for the safest sex you've ever had in your entire life!!!




4 comments:

  1. Scarecrow:
    This all sounds like good advice---in fact better advice that one reads on most dating and PUA sites! However, I see one problem: the Sarah Palin blow-up doll actually looks better than the majority of single women. Do you have any advice about that?

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  2. Well, the Sarah Palin doll is for practice only, and since you never even have to actually touch her, it really does not matter.

    However; if you want - after you turn those lights out...

    When you insert the dildo into your partner, you can close your eyes and pretend that you are inserting a dildo into an inflatable Sarah Palin Love Doll - then press play on the recorder and duck quickly under the bed.

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  3. That's all very well ScareCrow, but what if the love doll fights back:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyMnwv0SzaA&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great - Thanks JimmyGiro, now I'm gonna have nightmares for the next month!

    ReplyDelete