|It was a pleasant sunny day, and Mary Jane Rottencrotch was enjoying herself in the park. Since she was a woman, and oh so much more in touch with nature than men, birds were singing, and chipmunks were buzzing around happily and gleefully - just like what you'd see in a Disney movie! However; her day was about to turn dark - a man showed up.|
As the man was passing the very merry Mary sitting on her beautiful park bench in la-dee-dah land, the man, Mr. Fartswell tipped his hat and menacingly said, "hello".
Mary Jane Rottencrotch has a degree in Womyn's Studies and knew exactly what the man was up to. She knew this just as she knows what any man who says "hello" to a woman is up to...
HE WANTED TO RAPE HER!!!!!
|Mary Jane Rottencrotch observed that the man simply walked past her, without any form of sexual assault. This puzzled her briefly, until she noticed that it was sunny outside; clearly, the man did not rape her because there would be too many witnesses. This stranger was not a "real man", but a coward that only raped women at nighttime, when it was dark and nobody would see it - just like all the other men.|
She turned to face the man - and caught a glimpse of his rear. As she did so, she heard a rather peculiar sound - that of perhaps an old sneaker being dragged across a freshly mopped tiled floor, or an old dog snoring.
Much to her shock, she realized that the man had passed gas. She immediately felt the odor of his rear end violently penetrate her nose without her consent. She sat still, too terrified to move.
She realized that the man had just raped her nose with his ass.
She fell flat on the ground, helpless and wounded. Of course, nobody helped her after this violent assault on her nose by the unnamed stranger's a$$. Eventually, she drudged up the courage and bravery to crawl home on her hands and knees, like a delicate dove - now wounded never to fly again - after this despicable and horrific assault committed against her olfactory lobes. She then took a hot shower, curled up in the corner, crying about this most heinous violation of her person. She realized that he had taken so much more from her than just the odors of the park. Neigh, she had taken her very soul and the essence of her being. She was now naught but a horse without legs, a bird without wings, a flower with no pedals... She used many different soaps and shampoos, but could not get the smell out of her mind.
Unfortunately, Mary Jane Rottencrotch is not alone. The Womyn's Studies Department at Ding-Dong University has compiled a list of crimes committed against women's nostrils by men's butts.
The following facts will shock you. We suggest that if you have young children, you send them to bed now, without any supper, and never let them view your computer screen EVER again.