Here it is Ladies and Gentlemen! If you support feminism, entitlement princesses, or think womyn are always victims, I have consulted with "Mythral the Mystic" to get you your Zodiac Horoscope reading!
Aquarius (Jan.20-Feb.18): You have a destructive mind and are inclined to be regressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f*cking c*nt.
Pisces (Feb.19-Mar.20): What you call imagination is actually just schizophrenic delusions. You often think you are being followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting power you lack. You lack confidence and are generally a dip-sh*t.
Aries (Mar.21-Apr.19): You are NOT a pioneer type and think lost people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a c*nt.
Taurus (Apr.20-May.20): You are impractical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are nothing but a god-damned communist.
Gemini (May.21-Jun.20): You are a slow and dimwitted thinker. People like you because you are a bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little this means you are a cheap b*tch and are notorius for thriving on incest.
Cancer (Jun.21-Jul.22): You are very uncaring and egotistical when it comes to other people's problems. You are always putting things off - that is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a sh*t. Everybody in prison is a cancer.
Leo (Jul.23-Aug.22): You consider yourself a born leader, but clearly, you are not. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullys. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo-people are thieving mother-f*ckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.
Virgo (Aug.23-Sep.22): You are the illogical type and thrive on disorder. Your sh*t-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while f*cking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sep.23-Oct.22): You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. You are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. You are a whore. All Libras have had at least three venereal diseases.
Scorpio (Oct.23-Nov.21): The worst of the lot, you are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect b*tch. Most scorpions are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov.22-Dec.21): You are optimistic and enthusiastic, but that never stops you from being a total b*tch. You have a wreck-less tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of you are drunks. You are worthless.
Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan.19): You are conservative and afraid to take risks, in other words, you are a chickensh*t. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. If you were to die today, nobody would care.
Have a nice day!
4 hours ago