Monday, April 25, 2011

Dating Advice for Young Men...From the AfterWorld!

Part of a BIG series I call, "Murder and Male Resentment Mondays".

I thought of that name all by myself. I spent the weekend looking up mega hot babes who were killed by their deranged psychotic boyfriends. I found millions - I found a new feature for my blog!

Trisha EdelmanHi Guys! My name is Trisha Edelman. I know what a lot of you are thinking, "she's good looking". Well, today is your lucky day. I am here to give you some dating tips and tell you how you can "score" a good looking woman like me. I am talking to you from the afterworld, since I was murdered by my boyfriend while I was pregnant back on Jan 11, 2011. Do not worry, he will be going to jail for murder, unlike women who kill their boyfriends! Anyway, pay attention guys, take notes, and be prepared to follow these important dating and hygienic guidelines carefully.

Trisha EdelmanDo not look so happy. Try walking around looking like you just bit the head off of a poodle. That always helps. Happy looking men are just "creepy". If you are not capable of being sadistic enough to bite the head off of a small cute dog, you are obviously a rapist.Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanIf you cannot put a look on your face like you have a dead body in the trunk of your car... at least put a look on your face showing you are upset by the fact that you do NOT have a dead body in the trunk of your car!Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanA look on your face that says, "When I was in high school, I was voted most likely to be an axe-murderer" is always a turn-on! Chess club nerds are just plain gross! Remember: Chess is dangerous and destroys lives!Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanA facial expression that says, "Hi, I just swallowed a live baby, and I want to make you my next victim" is definitely a plus... Even if you didn't brush your teeth that morning!Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanIf people on the street are NOT saying to you, "Hey, where's your hockey mask and machete", you are doing something wrong - and quite likely guilty of sexual harassment.Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanWhen you make eye contact with a woman, do NOT undress her with your eyes. Instead, envision her being ripped to shreds by rabid pit-bulls. Sex is dirty and involves penises!Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanDo not come across as having an intellect. Intelligence is scary and destroys atoms, Styrofoam cups, the environment and lots of other stuff!Adam Trump

Trisha EdelmanHope you found these dating tips helpful. Anyway, it's back to the abyss for me. Stop being so happy, non-psychotic, intellectual, and compassionate - and start getting that pussy guys!