Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Scientific Breakthrough: Scientists Now Know How Women get Raped!

rapeThroughout the years, many fuzzy sweater wearing turd-brains scholars at universities and complete retards scientists in their parents basements laboratories have wiped drool off of their mouths wondered: What exactly causes rape?

For the last several decades, all kinds of morons with their heads up their asses great thinkers have produced many totally f*cking whacked out plausible theories as to why rapes happen.

rapeRape caused by pornography: This theory was formulated by prudish fat ugly women who hate sex and men early feminists in the 1960's. Statistics have shown that rape decreases when pornography is abundant however.

rapeRape caused by provocative or revealing clothing - this theory was formulated by women who make any dress look like a sack filled with rabid hogs believe that certain articles of clothing can get a man too excited, and hence he won't be able to control himself in their dreams.

rapeRape caused by high heels - this theory was introduced by clumsy oxen women who can't even stand on their own two feet women who believe that men are fetishists who lack self-control, or so they wish, when presented with such fetish.

run dmcRape caused by Heavy Metal or Rap Music - this theory is just plain stupid suggests that certain lyrics in song, while accompanied with harsh noises can cause a man to violently attack a woman sexually.

rapeRape caused by The Secret Society of Patriarchs - this theory was fabricated by mentally ill women who need serious help women who believe that there is a secret society of men who purposely rape women when they "get out of line".

rapeRape caused by Spaghettios - this idea is clearly the product of a severely sick mind being pondered by various sh*t for brain poofs scholars, suggesting that certain chemicals in certain foods actually trigger what complete idiots scientists call "the rape response".

rapeRape caused by hamsters - Now this is just stupid, obviously, somebody forgot to take their pills this morning theory is currently under investigation.

rapeRape caused by the dead pigeon on 4th street - WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND. If you f*cktard scholars aren't going to take this seriously, why should the rest of us. Clearly, rape is a serious crime.

While all of these theories are completely insane lend themselves credibility, they have all easily been discredited by people with I.Q's higher than 5 not quite fit the bill when explaining how rape actually happens.

Now, in the 21st century, at the start 2011, scientists have come up with a "duhhh no sh*t sherlock" radical new theory as to why women get raped:

Women get raped because a rapist decides to rape them. All other surrounding factors are irrelevant.

rape analystRetarded queers Scholars in Universities are questioning this new radical theory though because they are total f*cktards who have no dealing in reality skeptical about it. Scientists are confident that this new theory will hold water however.


  1. Ok, let's assume this pans out. We will then need to spend much of the remainder of this century figuring out what causes rapists. I've heard rumblings that mere possession of a penis is the cause. But this is being discredited by those who claim that Lorena Bobbitt never raped anyone during the short time she possessed one.


  2. Hmmm - telling indeed.

    That also would not explain all the women who have fake plastic ones - and also never raped anybody.

  3. But it would explain all the women with fake plastic ones who rape children.

  4. Obviously, it's the penis....
    Science has proved beyond a doubt that every person that is properly attached to a penis commits rape every 12 seconds.

  5. @Fidel:

    Every 12 seconds - you are out of your mind. That statistic is obviously BOGUS!

    ...Its every 3 seconds - and they rape at least 15 women during that 1 second.

  6. Spaghettios with RAPISTS in tomato sauce is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

  7. Me too.

    People ask me (yes me - as "creepy" as I am - people talk to me all the time - like in person - not through E-mail or phone or whatever) - where on earth I get my ideas from.

    I tell them I have no idea...

  8. I just couldn't stop laughing at these theories. I've toned it down to just giggles as a type this. Well, I popped in a porno last night and did not even feel the need to go out and rape some chick afterwards. I didn't even get any rapist urges that filled me with rage causing me to go out into the night on a violent rampage like a lycan terrorizing the countryside under a full moon.

    Seriously, did feminists just pull that theory straight out of their fat asses or what?

  9. Glad to hear you did not rape anybody after watching porn Andy.

    However; I'd stay away from Spaghettio's and Hampsters - they MIGHT make you lose self-control.

  10. 7.31
    With their "tax and spend" rhetoric the gods have effectively used the Republicans to transfer responsibility for the $14 trillion national debt to the Democrats.
    Ronald Reagan spent the communist block into submission with defense buildup, and in the process increased the debt from $1 trillion in 1980 to $6 trillion when he left office.
    W charged both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to the national debt, honest numbers to come.
    Recall Clinton ran a surpuls at the end of his Administration. Fueled by low petrolium prices, understand how the god's other tools were used to create this "revelry cycle", one which assures people have little motivation to pursue the path and repair their relationship with the gods, for contentment never motivated anyone.
    As the gods used W to initiate the recession with deliberate legislation changes, ones which allowed the sub-prime fiasco and corporate irresponsibility which led to the multi-trillion dollar stimulous package, expect this wasn't the first Republican-led attempt or the beginning of the god's "reverse positioning" strategy designed to create an enviornment to motivate people. Much like the immigration issue, where the intent of the vocal masses contradicts the god's true intent of clue warning against coming to the US, many (most) conservatives and those capitalizing had alterior motivives to these eras of "deficit spending":::::
    With legislation facilitating temptation to those who are in position the gods have created a trap, much like the tax code and other examples throughout the economy, which will be addressed in these individual's future lives, and fulfills the goals of motivation the gods have laid out for the peasantry:::The gods prey on the wealthy with temptation too.
    These are FINE examples of steps the gods took to ensure a sufficiently deceptive environment as the masses began to understand the god's sytem and methodology. For those who would listen I was used to assist people to rapidly increase their understanding of this system. Unfortunate for me, the gods can claim they never intended this, despite being control freaks who guide everything specifically and have the power to force it with AI, and now they are free to fuck my brains out subsequently. Lucky me.

    Those whom the gods wanted to have confidence in their relationship were told when to take their money and put it into real estate. After selling at the peak of the market,they were able to reinvest in the market at DJIA 6,000.
    This is a big part of the scam we have recently witnessed. Expect this to be the way gangsters and those who "go along" steal in this modern era.
    I do not want individuals such as this to learn from me. You wanted a bitch should have used JC.
    If you had any worth you'd be killing all along now, no reincarnation. Fuck saving everyone for the Apocalypse.
    Buttfucking gods. I hope they die.
    "The Crucible" happened with Amy for a reason.