To start, I rarely encounter a woman who uses any of these on me.
|Because they are too busy trying to get me into their pants - and rudeness is not an effective tactic for a woman to use to coerce a man to "put in".|
Anyway, in case a woman (not a man or an MRA - which I have actually seen more often) uses these against you - here are my (fun and occasionally humorous) revisions to them:
- You’re bitter!
- You need to get over your anger at women.
- You are so negative!
- You hate women.
|I'm sorry you feel that way.|
|Anger is a legitimate emotion when facing injustice or irrational hatred.|
|No, I just hate women like you.|
|No, I just hate PEOPLE who have SH*T for BRAINS!|
- You have mother issues.
|OH NO! Maybe you are right!|
|No I don't.|
|Nah, there are plenty of mom's I'd nail.|
|Where I come from, mother is only half of a word.|
|Issues with mothers like you - or women like you becoming mothers.|
- You need therapy.
|Do you know any good therapists?|
|You are not qualified to make that determination.|
|Watching Oprah has obviously rotted your brain.|
|Yeah, sexual therapy - hop on cowgirl, let's get this rodeo started.|
- A woman must have hurt you in the past.
|Gosh, maybe you are right!|
|My past is irrelevant to the legitimacy of my statement.|
|No, I am not into S & M.|
|I wanted seconds, and she told me she had to leave!|
- You probably live in your mother's basement.
|Yeah, I guess I should grow up.|
|Where I live does not invalidate my argument.|
|Actually, my mother lives in my basement.|
|That's not my mom, I don't call it the basement - I call it the dungeon of discipline.|
- You can't get laid.
|OH NO! What should I do about that!?|
|My romantic potential does not invalidate my arguments.|
|Yeah, I can only GIVE laid.|
|Not by women like you - and that's a good thing.|
- You're ugly.
|Sorry, nobody is perfect.|
|Your childish opinion of my physical appearance doesn't nullify my arguments.|
|Look whose talking.|
|Your mom doesn't think so.|
- You're immature.
|Yeah, gosh, I guess I need to grow up.|
|You're confusing being psychotic with being mature.|
|No, I am a big boy - and all the sudden, I'm getting bigger... and longer...|
- You're stupid.
|Yeah, maybe you could help me to be smarter.|
|No, I am realistic.|
|And you're more stupid.|
- You're not a real man.
|Yeah, I am a bit of a jellyfish.|
|Yes I am.|
|A woman like you would not know what a real man is. You couldn't handle one.|
|Yeah, exactly ding-a-ling, I am one of those fake ones.|
- You're probably in the closet.
|Maybe you're right - should I seek therapy?|
|My sexual orientation does not invalidate my argument.|
|I've made out with a chick in a closet before - yeah...|
- You are jealous of women.
|Gosh, yes, women are goddesses.|
|Women have feminism - that makes me glad I am a man.|
|Yeah, especially of all the shit in their heads!|
- You're probably some kind of pervert.
|OH NO! I guess I need some help!|
|I see you've been talking to the women in my life.|
|Yeah, come back to my place, and I'll show you how much of a pervert I am.|
- I don't think you could possibly have a girlfriend.
|Gee, I guess that makes me a failure.|
|No, no girlfriend, but I do have a WOMAN in my life.|
|Sorry, all I heard you say was, "I don't think" - that was the only part that made any sense.|
- Not all women are like that.
|Yeah, sorry for stereotyping, I did not mean to offend you.|
|Most of them are.|
|Oh yeah, I forgot about the 3% who aren't.|
|Yeah, just the ones breathing air are.|
- There are men like that too!
|Yeah, in fact, men are usually more prone to be like that.|
|Most of them aren't.|
|I guess I haven't met either of those two guys yet.|
|Yes, I have heard tale of these men - they're called GAY!.|
- I can do anything a man can do!
|You go girl!|
|Nobody said you couldn't.|
|Like write your name in the snow by peeing? That's just creepy...|
|You go GIRL! And then Stay THERE!|
|Good, GO F*CK YOURSELF!|
These two poor guys never get any!