Woman Murders 17 Innocent People with Jackhammer: Authorities Suspect Some Man.
On December 1st, 2010, Ella M. Pissy purchased a jackhammer from the local hardware store, and went on a murderous rampage in a local wine-shop, killing 17 innocent by-standers, and wounding 8 others.
What makes this story about a woman going psycho and murdering 17 people with a jackhammer so strange?
The fact that she had no estranged ex-husband, husband, ex-boyfriend or boyfriend to blame it on. This has authorities baffled.
Police Chief Teddy Nonuts Watson: "We are currently looking into the possibilities that maybe she was listening to a song on the radio sung by a man, or maybe some man looked at her just before the killing spree occurred. We are also pondering the possibility that perhaps she was thinking of getting a sex-change operation and becoming a man, and that cerebration of manliness is what lead to the murders. However; at this stage in the game, we are baffled. Mark my words though, we will find the man responsible for this and persecute him to the full extent of the law."
Feminist Leader Iva Bigg Hole commented to reporters, "This is a tragedy. An absolute tragedy. The horrors of it all. The authorities cannot find the man who is responsible for this woman's behavior - and that is simply tragic. We need stronger laws to punish men. Men should just put their names on a list, and perhaps get blamed in alphabetical order when things like this happen."