Thursday, November 11, 2010

Feminists Concerned by Low Rape Rates: Start Raping Themselves!

Recent findings in the field of rape and sexual assault have recently uncovered a dark secret in our society: False Rape Claims. A recently conducted study revealed that at least 60% of the rape claims they investigated turned out to be false. The reasons for such false claims included: spite, revenge, or border-line personality disorders.

feminist leaders
Feminist leaders were allegedly shocked by the finding, and held a brain-storming session to combat the problem.

Their goal was to find a way to increase the amount of actual rapes occurring. Despite their best efforts to convince people that the majority of men are rapists, pedophiles, and generally "not nice" human beings, feminist leaders are losing the fight to destroy the general reputation of men. Even their recent ramblings of a mythical man-shortage are falling on deaf ears, as their tactics become more and more transparent.

It is very clear that the majority of men in the United States of America are in fact decent human beings - despite the best efforts of feminists to get the general population to believe otherwise.


feminist leaderFeminist leader Rosy P. Ness allegedly told reporters, "We are running out of funds to feed our sisters who are busy fighting the severe and extreme anorexia problem in this country by shoveling hundreds of donuts into their fat faces each day! We are very good to playing the NATURAL compassion that men have towards women against themselves, but lately, that tactic is falling short - and not paying our humongous food bills to combat anorexia - and ensure that most women are at least 100 pounds overweight!"




feminist leaderHard-core, life-long feminist Inez D. Butt told reporters, "This is an outrage! People are going to start believing that most men are decent human beings and that is total crap! Why, just last week, I got raped at least 587,933 times, possibly even more - I just haven't decided yet!"



Ultimately, feminist leaders have decided the only way to combat the ever-decreasing rape rates, and false-rape accusations is to counteract them by raping themselves.

feminist leaderFeminist Leader Rosy P. Ness allegedly told reporters, "We are so glad that we thought of this. By raping each other over and over again, we are killing two birds with one stone. Not only will this drive rape rates back up, and help to demonize men, but it will also give us a break from eating our own feces for a while. It's good to mix things up every now and again, and do something different!"




police officerPolice Chief Dick Nossack O'Toole of Metropolis told reporters, "I am so glad that the feminists are raping themselves to increase the rape statistics. This will greatly increase funding to my police department. As far as the adverse effects that scaring tons of women into believing that every 8 seconds they have a 50/50 chance of being raped - who cares - I don't - I just want a bigger salary, and the opportunity to vent my frustrations stemming from my inferiority complex out on other men whose penises are definitely bigger than mine!"




corporate tycoonCorporate tycoon Dick E. Bonar was interviewed as well. His thoughts, "Oh, uh yeah, men are all pigs and stuff. The only way for women to combat the 90% rape rate is to buy lots of food, get fat, unattractive, and compensate for their lack of intimacy buy spending lots of money - preferably, money that is not theirs - but their ex-husbands."




police officerPolice Officer M. Lacque Sack told reporters, "Oh yeah, fudging statistics on rape is coming out of the closet - the public just isn't buying it anymore. These crazy psycho-bitches raping themselves will definitely drive rape-rates up, and I'll get a bigger salary. In fact, if they were smart enough to video-tape it; that would make for some really hot porn that I could jack off to. I prefer to masturbate rather than get a real woman - I'm afraid women will make fun of my small penis and gonads - as you can see, I overcompensate my shortcomings in the genital department with my mustache."




6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. This post is fucking awesome; I laughed so hard I nearly cried. It's the perfect mixture of truth and humor.

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  3. The funny thing is, there are feminists who would do precisely what you are describing to "raise consciousness." Look at the feminists who believe that they are being rayped by men who look at their exposed flesh.

    By the way, dare I ask what is in that bathtub?

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  4. @Burton:

    I think it is a bunch of donuts.

    I found that pic by googling "donut bath".

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